First Day of Tutoring, Teacher Appreciation Dinner

I met with 전건 and 전유미 today - they will be my tutees for the summer, heh.

They seem to be really nice kids, just a little on the quiet side. But hopefully it's just because they're trying to adjust to being in America instead of being in Korea. I want to help them fall in love with America - show them around, etc. I'll be teaching them for 6 hours a week.. It's going to be a pretty big commitment - hopefully we'll have some good times together!

I need to come up with some kind of material for teaching them English, though.

Interesting... I get to eat together with a lot of the other teachers who taught for the year, even though I'm starting tomorrow, haha. Unintentionally signed up to be a teacher, too. hahaha

testing to see if korean works

테스트 약자 입니다.

Grrr...

I woke up at like 4am this morning to my brother who wanted to go play starcraft at a pc-bang. I groggily woke up and just went to go play until like 6 am... sigh...

Dad's last sunday before he leaves for Brazil on Thursday. I don't know why, but seeing him break a tear as he delivered his speech made me crack a tear too... I guess I'm more sentimental than I originally supposed... Or maybe it was just hard to see my dad break down like that, especially because he almost never cries...

I came back around 5ish, completely set up my little fort that I'm sitting in right now. It's a nice little cozy corner with a tiny bed and my clothes next to me on a hanger. I also have a TV with a table if I need it for studying or something (HAHAHA STUDYING AHAHA)... hehe

Hmm.. it seems I unwittingly signed up to become a bible study teacher at Hope for the summer. HAHAHA how annoying...

First Family Group!

I guess the first family group was really fun and relaxing, if not anything else. It was nice to see Hyunsuk and Jana, who helped me feel a little bit at ease just by being very chill and relaxed. Jane Kang and Diana Lee were also there - both very nice girls, a little quiet (as far as I know them, at least). We played Jenga, and Hyunsuk lost - and had to eat a strawberry shortcake with no hands... hahaha Funny things happen at Family Group! Jana lost afterwards, and had to eat half a piece of cake.. but it was mixed with sun chips... ew.. hahaha. All in all, I think it's going to be a good group. I hope a few more people come so that we can have a lot of fun times together, as well as some good time getting deep into the word and falling more in love with God.

First Post!

Hmm, so a certain girl named Rachel Lim made me want to start a blog.

A lot of times, I think I type more than I speak, mainly because I'm too afraid that others wouldn't accept what I say. No need for that here. Sounds like a place I can just write away, haha.

Who am I? More often than not, I tend to "react" rather than start something. I calculate the appropriate course of action when something happens and do it - that just seems to be my nature. More often than not, I'm just fading out into the background. Strangely enough, though, I really like singing. Maybe singing is the only time where what I'm going to say is predetermined and I don't have to worry about how other people perceive it. If they don't like the song, it doesn't necessarily mean that they don't like me. But if they like it.. then it doesn't necessarily mean that they like me, either. Scary thought. Maybe I should stop caring so much about how other people perceive me. But I can't help it. I never got the amount of attention I wanted from my parents, who are always working hard, but ONLY working hard. That's all I know of them - they work hard to provide for me. Great! I'm glad that I have someone who takes care of me, really. But... I want them to show me that they love me: words of affection, a gift, a hug, a kiss, a pat on the back, a massage, whatever. In all honestly, I really feel like I didn't get any of that kind of stuff.

No wonder I'm so insecure.

I wish things could have been better, that my parents could be perfect. But I guess I can't ask for everything in life, but make the best of it. Yeah, I know. I'm just... bitter I guess, at the way things turned out. I know that I could have done something to make it better, but then again, I'm a shy and introverted guy, and I'd much rather spend my time for myself instead of trying to win my parents' favor.

Damn I'm messed up.

I want to change. I want to be free from this desperation to be somebody. I want to sing and present myself that way. And not care what happens. I want to sing freely, to the best of my ability.

I'm going to try and post a song by a singer I look up to with each post. First up, tim be told (incidentally the singer's name is Tim Ouyang. Oh yeah~~). I'll let the song and singer speak for themselves, as this post is already too long.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPtPSTYBu0s

ORDINARY
Words and Music by Tim Ouyang
Performed by Tim Be Told
From the album "Getting By"
copyright 2007 Tim Be Told

Verse 1
Why am i such in a rush to be somebody?
leaving behind all the things I’d rather be
I don’t know how success ever mattered to me
daddy always told me only doctors and some lawyers succeed
in what we call the present day
my mama always said that I would never stand a chance in this world
singing’ my life away
I may never be a times square poster
and I’ll never be on a popular magazine
I may never be an actor on the big screen
and I don’t remember if I ever cared at all

Chorus
I’m just an ordinary guy
just getting by
riding the tide trying to hide
I’m just an ordinary face
finding my place
you won’t remember my name
after I go away

Verse 2
Everyone tells me I’m a rare condition
and maybe that God has a different plan for me
I don’t presume to know
the reason’s a mystery
people always telling me that I am something special
well it’s too much pressure to take
the preacher always told me that Jesus might be watching me
throwing my life away
I may never be a perfect person
but I’ll do my best to try to make you happy
and I will never meet your expectations
but I never cared at all

Bridge
Count to thirty look around you can’t find me
funny how I blend so well w
the mob scene
Twenty years and I’m still empty handed
and I’m still here fading away