First Post!

Hmm, so a certain girl named Rachel Lim made me want to start a blog.

A lot of times, I think I type more than I speak, mainly because I'm too afraid that others wouldn't accept what I say. No need for that here. Sounds like a place I can just write away, haha.

Who am I? More often than not, I tend to "react" rather than start something. I calculate the appropriate course of action when something happens and do it - that just seems to be my nature. More often than not, I'm just fading out into the background. Strangely enough, though, I really like singing. Maybe singing is the only time where what I'm going to say is predetermined and I don't have to worry about how other people perceive it. If they don't like the song, it doesn't necessarily mean that they don't like me. But if they like it.. then it doesn't necessarily mean that they like me, either. Scary thought. Maybe I should stop caring so much about how other people perceive me. But I can't help it. I never got the amount of attention I wanted from my parents, who are always working hard, but ONLY working hard. That's all I know of them - they work hard to provide for me. Great! I'm glad that I have someone who takes care of me, really. But... I want them to show me that they love me: words of affection, a gift, a hug, a kiss, a pat on the back, a massage, whatever. In all honestly, I really feel like I didn't get any of that kind of stuff.

No wonder I'm so insecure.

I wish things could have been better, that my parents could be perfect. But I guess I can't ask for everything in life, but make the best of it. Yeah, I know. I'm just... bitter I guess, at the way things turned out. I know that I could have done something to make it better, but then again, I'm a shy and introverted guy, and I'd much rather spend my time for myself instead of trying to win my parents' favor.

Damn I'm messed up.

I want to change. I want to be free from this desperation to be somebody. I want to sing and present myself that way. And not care what happens. I want to sing freely, to the best of my ability.

I'm going to try and post a song by a singer I look up to with each post. First up, tim be told (incidentally the singer's name is Tim Ouyang. Oh yeah~~). I'll let the song and singer speak for themselves, as this post is already too long.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPtPSTYBu0s

ORDINARY
Words and Music by Tim Ouyang
Performed by Tim Be Told
From the album "Getting By"
copyright 2007 Tim Be Told

Verse 1
Why am i such in a rush to be somebody?
leaving behind all the things I’d rather be
I don’t know how success ever mattered to me
daddy always told me only doctors and some lawyers succeed
in what we call the present day
my mama always said that I would never stand a chance in this world
singing’ my life away
I may never be a times square poster
and I’ll never be on a popular magazine
I may never be an actor on the big screen
and I don’t remember if I ever cared at all

Chorus
I’m just an ordinary guy
just getting by
riding the tide trying to hide
I’m just an ordinary face
finding my place
you won’t remember my name
after I go away

Verse 2
Everyone tells me I’m a rare condition
and maybe that God has a different plan for me
I don’t presume to know
the reason’s a mystery
people always telling me that I am something special
well it’s too much pressure to take
the preacher always told me that Jesus might be watching me
throwing my life away
I may never be a perfect person
but I’ll do my best to try to make you happy
and I will never meet your expectations
but I never cared at all

Bridge
Count to thirty look around you can’t find me
funny how I blend so well w
the mob scene
Twenty years and I’m still empty handed
and I’m still here fading away